Jesus, the Action Figure!
That’s right. This isn’t a joke. This is real, baby, real.
Yesterday, in the nursery, I found this… abomination called Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure. So, here it is sitting next to me as I type.
This is one of the most special things I’ve found in our nursery. There are some things that I just don’t think that you’d believe me if I told you without proof… So I’ve taken pictures of some of the more… interesting features of this action figure.
Here’s a few:
- Glow-in-the-Dark-Hands! Oh, I totally remember this story from the Bible. It’s somewhere in John I think. Where Jesus and his Fellowship are trying to get through the Mines of Moria. Jesus holds his glow-in-the-dark-hands above his head and lights their path. Wait… that might not be 100% correct…
- Turns Water Into Wine! Now this one actually is in the Bible, but I was intrigued to see how exactly an action figure can pull this trick off. The side of the box states: “Recreate the miracle of turning water into wine,” but I was confused because then it just goes onto citing the Bible reference. I cracked open the box and found that the jug with a blue circle (water) just flips over to reveal a red circle (wine) on the other side. The jug isn’t practical. It’s got two openings…
- Feeds 5000 With 5 Loaves and 2 Fish! This one I think is funny because both the loaves and fishes are missing. I don’t even think they tried to make the loaves dividable or anything. I guess I’ll really never know.
I guess those are the only things that they could think to make props out of for Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure. You’d think, with the amount of thought and heart they put into this, that having a sick, dead, or lame person as a prop wouldn’t seem like such a stretch. Maybe next time.
Final thoughts: I find it interesting that there is also a regular Jesus action figure without all the extras. I guess this one is for all the other religions that just want to play with him as a prophet. We may never know.
I’m not sure how well you can see this picture, but apparently Jesus is not safe for children under 3. Sorry Sunday School teachers, you might as well just give up. That kid could choke and die.
Also: these are the best features for a Jesus action figure? Why not Carpenter Strength or Knocks People Down With Two Words, “I AM”! That’s just me, I guess.
Frankly, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t a Christian company that put this toy out. The company’s website says, “For over 25 years we’ve provided the world with amazing products that provoke, challenge and entertain. From our Yodelling Pickle to our Bacon Bandages, we create things that people need to have!” I don’t know about you, but Bacon Bandages are a necessity for me.
It still begs to wonder, who put it in the nursery?
Have you seen this toy before? What are your thoughts? If you made a Jesus action figure, what would you have included?
