Hell Will Have Gnats
I’m 100% sure of it.
Just a minute ago, at 2:37am, a gnat managed to somehow find its way to my computer screen. Mind you, the doors have been closed for who knows how long, and my office is on the second story. What is it about gnats that makes them able to do that? Are they super-bugs? With the special ability of annoying?
Just as I was thinking that gnats are #1 on the top 5 list of most annoying creatures (to date), I had to compile this list because there’s some annoying ones.
Top 5 Annoying Creatures (to date)
#5. Love Bugs. Not like Herby, no, these little black annoyances only come around for about a month at a time, which really is the only reason they’re not higher up on the list. They swarm in around, well, everything mate through their butts, spawn and die. Splatter on your car as you’re driving anywhere. It’s like they’re proximity mines too. I don’t think your car even needs to be moving. I once watched one crawl onto a car, scream and blow up, right on the hood. Guts everywhere.
#4. Manatees. Manatees? Yes Manatees. The only creature that is perpetually on the Endangered Species List. I’ve said this before, but I have a hard time being enamored with a creature who hears that same boat motor noise that cut him yesterday and still moves towards it. Like an addict or something. If Manatees were human, they’d be cutters and we’d get them professional help. Unfortunately, pampered Manatees just get fat and can’t swim in the current when release to the wild. (It’s true. I watched it happen.)
#3. Gnats. I know you’re probably surprised that gnats are only at #3, but the fact of the matter is, there’s two creatures that are far worse. I have two problems with gnats. First, I hate silent g’s, it’s just ridiculous. Why have it there? “nat” isn’t another word or anything. It is an acronym, but that’s something way different. What’s up with that g? Second, it seems like their sole purpose is annoying the crap out of you. Where do they come from? You’re standing in a field with a warm breeze caressing your skin, the clouds are fluffy and white, and the sky is as blue and beautiful as the–oh no! Gnats! They’re everywhere! Swarms and swarms of them! There’s nowhere to hide!
#2. Squirrels. Yep. Squirrels. I guess some people think squirrels are cute and stuff, but those are the people who haven’t had crazy squirrels eating their trash cans to get inside. Huge holes in the plastic of the trash can! And, they’re everywhere too! Oh, and if you have a dog, they just love to torture the poor thing. My friend’s dog has a complex because of squirrels. The mere mention of the word sends him into a frenzy.
Drum roll, please.
#1. Mosquitos. Those of you rolling your eyes at this don’t live in Florida, or anywhere where it’s muggy and hot and there’s no swamp teeming with larvae around you. Ugh! Mosquitos are just as annoying and carry all the traits of gnats, but then they pack a punch! They’re sucking your blood like tiny little vampires, and guess what: they could be carrying any virus known to man. So, these are like the plague rats of the Dark Ages? Oh, well, except that they can much more easily get into your home and kill you and your family, or at the very least make your leg itch like crazy for the next week and a half.
So, to recap: Mosquitos are more annoying than every other creature… at least right now. But, writing about all these annoying creatures just fires me up, so who knows!?
I realize that most of these are local, and I know about blind mosquitos and biting flies and horse flies, etc. So, what would be your #1 most annoying creature? Or your top 5 if you can think of 5 (it’s not as hard as it would seem!).
