The U.S. Gets a Divorce
Apparently, people have been seeing this coming for a while now. One guy, since the 80′s.
What am I talking about? Oh, well, according to WDN.com, the U.S. is going to break up by 2010. In the article, some guy wrote a book called Red Alert (surprisingly ignoring the trio of videogames of the same title)and that guy says that some guy named Igor Panarin predicted the split because of “mass immigration, economic decline, moral degradation and an inevitable dollar collapse.”
I don’t really think that any of those factors would just naturally lead to a split in the U.S., but this article seemed serious, so I kept reading. I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t have made this up, well, maybe I could have.
Turns out, the U.S. believes in polygamy afterall because when we get this massive divorce, we’re breaking into 5 chunks. The crazy part isn’t the break up. It’s who’s owning/running the pieces.
1.) “The California Republic” will be run by the Chinese. Really? The Chinese? Don’t they just congregate in San Fransisco?
2.) “North Central America” will be run by Canada… Canada? Does Canada even run Canada? They couldn’t even hold onto Alaska…
3.) “The Atlantic America” will be run by The European Union. Sure. Because we didn’t just break away from England like 300 years ago or anything. We’re definitely going to hook right back up with the Queen and her tea. Right after we fish it out of Boston’s harbor.
4.) “The Texas Republic” will be run by Mexico. Now, I’m not a racist by any stretch of the imagination, but I can’t really see Texas and Alabama, Louisiana, etc. being taken over by Mexico. They’re still having a hard time with Abraham Lincoln’s decision…
5.) “The Offshore U.S.” (and Alaska… because Canada still can’t get control of it.) will of course be run by Russia and Japan or China. (The difference in Asian persuasion doesn’t seem to bother this guy…)
Wow. Yeah, that’s probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen in a while. Well, aside from the things that I mentioned about how the people who are supposed to “take over” isn’t even an option… I’m pretty sure the U.S. would probably band back together pretty quickly unless some crazy weapon took out the radicals from our midst. We’d have a war on our hands in no time flat.
Our capitalism and pride wouldn’t let us succumb to failure anyway. The U.S. would probably blow itself up before admitting defeat. As long as we took someone out with us. Heck, it was probably America’s idea to break Pangea apart. It’s been a long time coming and it’s our turn to have our own portion of a continent. If anything, we’ll take Canada and Mexico in and finally get to call ourselves North America, and have the whole continent to ourselves. Next step: South America, so we don’t have to call ourselves “North” America and we’ll buy the rights to the word “America.”
To recap: WDN.com is retarded. America is awesome, and everyone else is making the same financial mistakes we are, so… that’s that.
Anyone else heard any ridiculous rumors about America breaking apart? How does it make you feel?
