Breaking Point
Let me start off by saying that I started off in film school. Well, before film school, I started off as an entrepreneur. In middle school, I decided that I would start drawing comic books. This love for comic books translated into more simple comic strips (and if I ever find my old strips, I’ll be sure to post them). From there, I watched The Matrix and was convinced I needed to do special effects.
From there it went to directing movies. I went to film school and discovered that I wanted a family and a steady job, and really liked the idea of being the god of my little world, so I started writing. I self-published my first book in 2004, and haven’t finished a project since (more on that some other time).
As I dug through a box, I found a letter, written on the tithing envelopes from our church, in my handwriting. I don’t remember how long ago I wrote this, but I found it very enlightening into myself.
I realize now, that in spite of all of my hard work, my creativity, my money spent, my time spent, that it’s not all me. I’ve come to recognize that I believe God is breaking me.
I guess I’m upset because I need it to be done. I’ve been writing for tons of success based on everything that I door have done. I need to give up.
I can’t do it on my own.
I will always fail.
But, perhaps I’ve been running away from God because I’m afraid to give my talents away. Maybe, just maybe, I’m afraid that I would become like all of the other “lame” writers and movie directors that plague Christian media.
What I’m forgetting is that God doesn’t want to kill my creativity for His own desires. He wants to help me. To mold my creativity. To use the gift that He has given me to its fullest extent.
I will never be successful on my own because of what I know about God. He just won’t let me. I know too much.
I will always fail.
Maybe not at the beginning, maybe not for a long time.
But God will break me.
He is breaking me. And I need to give up.
Because He doesn’t fail.
May the Lord break you. May you see the Lord working in your life. Let Him take over your life, and let Him steer your career. Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid to be lame. Live fully in God. Tell others about Him.
And create.
