Brian C. Russell

“Jesus threw tables around.”

In the Bible, Jesus met the undesirables at their point of need.  People that the church had given up on.  The broken, curse, possessed.  Murderers, accusers…   He did not get mad at them.  He didn’t get angry that the Romans were crucifying His people.  He called people to Him for the hope for another kingdom.  A more fulfilling life and an eternity that he would carry them to.  Something the Romans couldn’t stop.  He didn’t even get angry at the people taking him away, beating him or watching him bleed, suffocate and die.

The people Jesus did get angry at were religious people.  People in a religious role, leading people astray, holding the sick outside the temple, swindling, lying, cheating deceiving.  He threw tables around, screamed at them, and openly confronted their ways in public.  Religious people.

Not everyone else.

His heart broke for the brokenness of the world around Him, and he sought to show people that He would heal them.  Lead them.  That they could live with Him on a personal, honest, open relationship.  That there was a plan and a kingdom that couldn’t be seen, but was greater than the greatest kingdoms the Earth has ever known, and that they could live in it now.

Helping the poor, saving the sick, the homeless, the beggars, the broken, the weak, the oppressed.  God hears their cry, and we are supposed to help them.  To love them right where they are, and to love God so much, that you can put aside yourself and listen to the cries with Him.

And do something about it.

That’s right.  This isn’t a joke.  This is real, baby, real.

Yesterday, in the nursery, I found this… abomination called Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure.  So, here it is sitting next to me as I type.

This is one of the most special things I’ve found in our nursery.  There are some things that I just don’t think that you’d believe me if I told you without proof… So I’ve taken pictures of some of the more… interesting features of this action figure.

Here’s a few:

1. Glow-in-the-Dark-Hands! Oh, I totally remember this story from the Bible.  It’s somewhere in John I think.  Where Jesus and his Fellowship are trying to get through the Mines of Moria.  Jesus holds his glow-in-the-dark-hands above his head and lights their path.  Wait… that might not be 100% correct…
2. Turns Water Into Wine! Now this one actually is in the Bible, but I was intrigued to see how exactly an action figure can pull this trick off.  The side of the box states:  “Recreate the miracle of turning water into wine,” but I was confused because then it just goes onto citing the Bible reference.  I cracked open the box and found that the jug with a blue circle (water) just flips over to reveal a red circle (wine) on the other side.  The jug isn’t practical.  It’s got two openings…
3. Feeds 5000 With 5 Loaves and 2 Fish! This one I think is funny because both the loaves and fishes are missing.  I don’t even think they tried to make the loaves dividable or anything.  I guess I’ll really never know.

I guess those are the only things that they could think to make props out of for Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure.  You’d think, with the amount of thought and heart they put into this, that having a sick, dead, or lame person as a prop wouldn’t seem like such a stretch.  Maybe next time.

Final thoughts:  I find it interesting that there is also a regular Jesus action figure without all the extras.  I guess this one is for all the other religions that just want to play with him as a prophet.  We may never know.

I’m not sure how well you can see this picture, but apparently Jesus is not safe for children under 3.  Sorry Sunday School teachers, you might as well just give up.  That kid could choke and die.

Also:  these are the best features for a Jesus action figure?  Why not Carpenter Strength or Knocks People Down With Two Words, “I AM”! That’s just me, I guess.

Frankly, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t a Christian company that put this toy out.  The company’s website says, “For over 25 years we’ve provided the world with amazing products that provoke, challenge and entertain. From our Yodelling Pickle to our Bacon Bandages, we create things that people need to have!” I don’t know about you, but Bacon Bandages are a necessity for me.

It still begs to wonder,  who put it in the nursery?

Have you seen this toy before?  What are your thoughts?  If you made a Jesus action figure, what would you have included?

There are times in my life where I just think that a bunch of my problems in life could be solved by me being a stereotypical rightwing conservative redneck.  At least my options would be significantly more limited, so decision-making would be easier.  Most of my political decisions could be based on one issue, and the rest would easily fall into place.  My days could be filled, not with discussing the different meanings of Bible verses or worrying about dancing (sorry Baptists…).  I could just sit around with my hefty collection of guns, polishing the chrome rims of my mudding truck, petting my hound, and blogging about how terrible Obama is as President.  Life would be so much simpler that way…  Wouldn’t it?

But, then again, wouldn’t it be even easier to be an Agnostic?  To just say, “I don’t know,” and be done with the whole conversation about God and faith?

Wouldn’t it be easier to not worry about morality?  Not worry about clothing?  Not worry about hair or cars or stylish lingo?

Isn’t conformity the answer?

But, what about my individuality?  What about this push for everyone to be themselves?  My generation has been drowning in a sea of individuality.  But, what winds up happening is that people see someone dressing “different” and that person who started it would just be the trendsetter.

Is trendsetting really being an individual?

Now, while the way we dress isn’t as important as being political or religious or whatever, it’s the same idea.  It defines us to the world.  It’s unfortunate, but people make random associations based on that kind of thing.  Right?  Stereotyping?

I did it at the very beginning of this post.

So… what to do?

I personally think that the word “conform” has been demonized for a long time now and that it’s not that bad of a thing.  It doesn’t mean that you have to do EVERYTHING the exact same way that EVERYONE else does it, but it means that when people look at you they’re going to think one thing.

The “one thing” that people think about is the key.  I think it’s going to be hard, but for Christians, I hope that one day, people will look at me and see Jesus.  Not the pale-face and glowing halo, but the nature and spirit of him.  BUT, we’ve got a fight ahead of us because I don’t know about you, but I tend to remember people more from the BAD they do, and it takes more time for me to associate good with that.  For instance, how many bad experiences does it take to tarnish a company’s reputation for you?  Maybe three at the most, then you stop going there… right?

Well, let me be the first to say that we’ve had some bad employees for Christianity, and I think I’ve been one of them quite a few times.  But I think we can gain our reputation back.

So… any ideas on where to start?

Remember that sketch on SNL from a few years back with the two teenagers and their bongs? All about getting high and stuff? Or, Harold and Kumar (Cheech and Chong for my older readers)? Remember Tropic Thunder?

What’s the similarity? Comedy? Drugs?

Exactly. Now, take that comedy, and wrap it (exactly how it is) around Christianity. That’s the new ministry of Sons of Thunder.

Remember cheery people saying, “I’m high on life” but not acting stoned? Yeah, how’s about acting (potentially actually being) stoned and saying that you are “High on the Holy Spirit?” Oh, but don’t stop there. How’s about you act completely and utterly drunk and high on stage and claim that it’s Jesus? Sound like a plan?

But, don’t stop there either. Take all your wording and advertisements and use drug references and binge drinking vernacular to describe your “holy” experience. Sound like fun? Want to go to a service that will “get you whacked?” or “blazed on Christ?” Want to watch sermon by Tommy Chong? Because that’s what this is.

Aside from muttering incoherently, calling himself a “user” (of the Spirit, I think), and rambling on about being in two places at once (Georgia and Ireland), there’s not much to his ministry. He speaks of miracles, like being in two places at once, and people seeing out of glass eyes, etc., but he just sounds like a pot head discussing the inconsistencies of the universe and dark matter ions to a pole in high school.

In another video he states that there have been “miracles of weight loss.” What!?

I’m not sure if it’s okay to judge a person’s ministry, per say, but this one seems like a counterculture disaster of epic proportions…

I don’t know if I should even put the link for that video, but… I can’t help myself. It’s a bit hard to watch, but if you can stick it out until the last half, that’s when he talks about being in Ireland at the same time as he was in Georgia. (He didn’t even know it!)

To recap: What the heck is wrong with these people? All of their videos have to do with drugs. They look drunk/high, they act drunk/high, they sound drunk/high, so… they are drunk/high. Sounds like a really great cover for stupid potheads and drunks around the world to have a good time and tell their parents, “Oh, I’m just high on Jesus.” My mom still would have beat the crap out of me. Dad too! They make loving Jesus look ridiculous and say that the rest of us don’t get it because we’re not “whacked” in the Spirit…

Whatever. If that’s true Christianity, I’m not sure if I want it…

Am I the only one that feels this way? Do you think it’s an excuse for potheads? Has anyone seen this before?