Brian C. Russell

Dear Christmas Defender,

I’m talking to all the people out there that are fighting this “War on Christmas.”  And I use “fighting” very loosely in it’s definition because it really seems a whole lot like whining.

I worked at a major retail store for 3 years.  I said, “Happy holidays!” to every customer with pride.

AND I’m a Christian!  How could I be so brazen, you ask?  How could YOU be so brazen?  Christmas is not the first holiday that was developed in December.  The Jews had December booked long before Jesus entered the world as a baby in a manger.  So there’s strike one.  You don’t hear Jewish people whining about why no one says “Happy Hanukkah ” to them.

NO ONE IS DENYING CHRISTMAS.

Retailers are simply realizing that “Merry Christmas” doesn’t account for the other TWO holidays that occur around the same time.  Not to mention, it saves retailers time and money on decorations for New Year’s too.

So, get off your “Businesses want to absolve Christmas altogether” soapbox, realize that RETAILERS LOVE CHRISTMAS more than Black Friday, and shut up.

That is all.

Well, today, I went a little crazy on over at Charisma Magazine.  To be fair, the article is absolute horse hooey.  I don’t really want to go into it about the merit of the article because I’m pretty sure someone else is going to be doing a good job of that already, but I would like to go into this whole Halloween issue.

I realize that Halloween is over, and I should just move on with my life, but seriously… are we still having this “Halloween is from the DEVIL!” conversation?

Listen, you fundamentalists out there, Halloween is just as evil as every other holiday.  Sure people go a bit nuts buying costumes that make them look like a murderer, monster, dead thing, or absolute slut-bag.  That’s a given.  But the

holiday itself is just as evil as Christmas when you get down to it.

They’re all consumer-driven holidays that thrive on the idea that people get something, and you need to buy it for them.

The idea that it’s Satan’s birthday is absolutely ridiculous.  Even if it was, wouldn’t you want to water it down by passing out as much candy as you could?

I’m not even talking about what Halloween’s roots are.  I don’t care anymore, and frankly, neither does anyone that celebrates Halloween.  It’s about kids getting candy and scaring people and lately, being a whore.  So, if we’re going to call Halloween evil, let’s just be brutally honest about it and rank it up there with all the other holidays that put more

emphasis on buying and selling than anything else, like Christmas.

Side note:  Notice that the stores skip over THANKSgiving.  Although, if you’re going to get into the history of that, then Thanksgiving is evil too because it’s based on genocide.

The holidays aren’t the evil parts.  It’s everything that we’ve turned it into.

Sure, we can keep pretending like Halloween is evil based on witch’s brew and vampires and demonic possessions, but that’s really just to scare kids and gullible people into missing the important part about holidays, in general, being about buying and selling goods, and less about the people and impact that could be made.

But, that’s something the Christian tract salesmen don’t want you to notice.

Well, there’s my thoughts.

What do you think?

That’s right.  This isn’t a joke.  This is real, baby, real.

Yesterday, in the nursery, I found this… abomination called Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure.  So, here it is sitting next to me as I type.

This is one of the most special things I’ve found in our nursery.  There are some things that I just don’t think that you’d believe me if I told you without proof… So I’ve taken pictures of some of the more… interesting features of this action figure.

Here’s a few:

1. Glow-in-the-Dark-Hands! Oh, I totally remember this story from the Bible.  It’s somewhere in John I think.  Where Jesus and his Fellowship are trying to get through the Mines of Moria.  Jesus holds his glow-in-the-dark-hands above his head and lights their path.  Wait… that might not be 100% correct…
2. Turns Water Into Wine! Now this one actually is in the Bible, but I was intrigued to see how exactly an action figure can pull this trick off.  The side of the box states:  “Recreate the miracle of turning water into wine,” but I was confused because then it just goes onto citing the Bible reference.  I cracked open the box and found that the jug with a blue circle (water) just flips over to reveal a red circle (wine) on the other side.  The jug isn’t practical.  It’s got two openings…
3. Feeds 5000 With 5 Loaves and 2 Fish! This one I think is funny because both the loaves and fishes are missing.  I don’t even think they tried to make the loaves dividable or anything.  I guess I’ll really never know.

I guess those are the only things that they could think to make props out of for Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure.  You’d think, with the amount of thought and heart they put into this, that having a sick, dead, or lame person as a prop wouldn’t seem like such a stretch.  Maybe next time.

Final thoughts:  I find it interesting that there is also a regular Jesus action figure without all the extras.  I guess this one is for all the other religions that just want to play with him as a prophet.  We may never know.

I’m not sure how well you can see this picture, but apparently Jesus is not safe for children under 3.  Sorry Sunday School teachers, you might as well just give up.  That kid could choke and die.

Also:  these are the best features for a Jesus action figure?  Why not Carpenter Strength or Knocks People Down With Two Words, “I AM”! That’s just me, I guess.

Frankly, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t a Christian company that put this toy out.  The company’s website says, “For over 25 years we’ve provided the world with amazing products that provoke, challenge and entertain. From our Yodelling Pickle to our Bacon Bandages, we create things that people need to have!” I don’t know about you, but Bacon Bandages are a necessity for me.

It still begs to wonder,  who put it in the nursery?

Have you seen this toy before?  What are your thoughts?  If you made a Jesus action figure, what would you have included?

Let me start out by saying I have a Mac running Snow Leopard and a PC running Windows 7.  I like both of them (it’s true).

Mac has been able to push forward pretty well with Windows Vista sucking so much.  The problem is… that Windows 7 is actually a good operating system, and maybe their scared, but this ad makes me mad.

Haha, very funny.

But… I have two major issues with this ad.

1. Snow Leopard has issues.  I know they don’t want to admit that, but since I’ve been on a Mac for a little while now, I’ve been on forums and such looking up information about what I can and can’t do.  It turns out that Snow Leopard is actually pissing quite a number of people off.  I even found a forum link that said that even if your precious Macbook can support up to 8GB of memory, Snow Leopard doesn’t run stably with anything over 4GB.  WHAT?  This is the first time I’ve ever hear of an operating system capping the amount of memory it can use, and that is ridiculous.
2. Until the iPod, Microsoft didn’t have to talk to Mac about anything. Yeah, this is a clever idea.  Going back in time to show how much of a screw up Microsoft has been.  The problem?  Macintosh sucked until they came out with the iPod.  That is the main reason that Mac even made it back out into the open, surfacing from 20 years worth of getting sat on by PC’s customizibility (which Mac still doesn’t have, and is why there’s not as many problems).  These conversations wouldn’t even be happening because Mac, for a long time, wasn’t offering anything for the consumer level, or even a professional level until video editing came into the film industry and allowed Final Cut to make it’s mark.  But, the only memory that I have about Mac until college was shooting green and black, 4-bit buffalo in Oregon Trail in elementary school.

I’ve never been a big fan of commercials or whatever that show me a lot of the downsides of the opposing side without actually mentioning the benefits of their product.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love my Macbook.  It’s great.  But I also love Windows 7 on my PC.  They both have their ups and downs.

What do you think?

There’s nothing better than burning books to fuel your ignorance and catapult you from “hard reason with” to a complete disregard knowledge, learning, and education.  The Nazis employed this technique and Fahrenheit 451 was written about it based on the same idea.

Nothing says, “I don’t understand this” better than calling it “evil” and wanting to burn it.  Right, Salem?

A while back, I posted about how much disdain I had for the King James Bible.  THIS goes above and beyond because the only thing worse than being ignorant is leading others into a radical tirade that leads to stupidity, hatred, and fear.

How does the video make you feel?  Discussion is encouraged.

Raise your hand if you’re tired of hearing about how social media is or isn’t a fad.  This post isn’t about whether or not it is one.  I don’t care anymore.  That one video was great the first time I watched it, but about the 750000000 time, I think it lost it’s effectiveness.

Who’s out there honestly still thinking that websites like Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and the like are going to be going away?  Sure, the names might change, the technology hopefully will too, but these things are going to hang around that that one kid in school that just doesn’t get the hint.

The fact that people are still arguing about it is annoying.  The fact that there are “experts” at something based on public opinion is ridiculous.  So, here’s something for all the Social Media Gurus out there:  ”You’re the fad.”

It’s true.  The idea of social media isn’t new, it’s just finally hit it’s stride.  The act of sharing pictures has never gone out of style.  The act of having an opinion about something makes you human, and social media just allows you to spread your opinions across the globe in seconds.

You can’t force people into liking things.  You can trick them into trying it, but not liking it.  You can follow everyone in the world on Twitter, you can call yourself the best rap artist in the world, you could join every social media network ever and still not be liked.

The fad about social media isn’t the social media itself, it’s the numbers game that’s going on with it.  Everyone thinks that social media is a numbers game, and they have to buy friends for Facebook, and trick people into following them on Twitter.  The true test of your company, personality, publicity is when people actually like you and they follow you, befriend you or read your stupid blue-backgrounded, griping blog because they actually care about what you have to say.

So, here’s some new math for you Social Media Gurus out there.  If you have 2,000,000 followers on Twitter, but 1,999,000 of them are real people, and of those 1000 only 25 real people actually read your posts or check your blog or care about your opinions… who cares?

Am I the only one tired of hearing about how revolutionary social media is?  I get it already.  Sheesh.

This post is sort of a “Part 2″ if you will of my rant about Ice Age 3:  Dawn of the Dinosaurs a while back.  I titled that Ice Age 3:  Timeline Goes Awry because of the sheer idiocy of the premise of the movie.  To think that someone with a computer can just make stuff up as they see fit.  It’s a bit infuriating to me to say the least, even now, to think about the fact that the movie made it past an editor, let alone conception and reason.

But this is a “Part 2″ because last night, I was out with my wife at a popular Disney restaurant called Rainforest Cafe and had a similar encounter there.  Amidst a whole, benefit-of-the-doubt mentality, I tried hard not to say something to anyone that worked there.  But since we’re on the internet, where everyone can complain about anything, let’s complain for the sake of intelligence and hopefully, one day, we’ll stop the world from breeding stupidity.  And maybe, just maybe, my kids won’t turn out to be idiots.  It’s a prayer of mine, and the world’s fighting hard against it.

So, with that, let’s take a look at a rainforest.  Smell the moist, humid air.  Look around, the area surrounding you is teeming with vegetation.  Maybe some monkeys squealing in the trees, some birds squawking above and around you.  Maybe a river runs wildly in the distance.  It’s hard to hear over the animals chattering and the bugs scurrying.  Right?

This seems like an all-around normal depiction of a rainforest.  It’s safe.  I’m not claiming any particular species or animals other than monkeys.  And, I’m not stating location.

Okay, now picture this restaurant.  Dense “vegetation” covering the walls and ceiling.  Looks really cool with the monkeys swinging from trees.  Then there’s… coral and salt water fish?  Okay, whatever, it’s a cool aquarium… We’ll look over the fact that rainforests do not, in fact, house coral reefs and salt water fish…  The music is… Latin-esque?  Mardi Gras even?  What?  It seems right though… I guess… rainforests are only in Latin America, right?  No?

What the heck?  A ZEBRA?  An elephant?  A rhino?

Somewhere in the world, a kid is failing a test on animals in a rainforest, or even animals that live in the plains, because Disney decided to put whatever animals they wanted to into their rainforest themed restaurant.

The problem isn’t Disney’s rampant apathy for rainforest realism or their utter lack of trying to make a believable rainforest experience, and it isn’t Dreamworks’ complete disregard for HOW HISTORY HAPPENED.  The problem lies more in the fact that these are the people that children listen to.  They’re the ones creating the movies and the memories that children will remember forever.  And, they’re stupid.

Am I the only one not wanting to breed stupidity?  Cause lately, it seems like I’m up to my neck in a pile of it.