Secret Racing with Strangers
I have to start out this post by letting you know that I’m generally not a competitive person. I’ve never been into sports because I couldn’t care less who wins or loses, unless it bugs someone. Board games occasionally get me excited, but a video game that I’m good at (Halo 3) I do get competetive about because I should do well.
But, driving. There’s something that comes over me when I see a person try to speed around me… A trigger gets pulled in my mind. There’s a race going on, and right in that moment, I’m losing. But, I try hard not to look like I’m racing. Street racing is illegal, afterall, but I need to get back in front of them.
I can’t explain it. It’s like a game in my mind, and I make my decisions to change lanes, pass, speed, etc. all like moves on a chess board to pass the person before they make their exit from the freeway. My attention is on the road, on the driving, and on that car that’s getting away.
Road rage, this is not, it’s more petty than that. In fact, it’s incredibly petty. I know this fact, yet I do it every day.
And when, in that sweet, sweet moment, I finally pass my opponent, I don’t look over and gloat. No, I drive past like nothing happened. Once I’m ahead, I can smile and gloat to myself as if something had actually been accomplished.
This morning, as it became apparent that I would never catch up to the black Lexus with the girl with bugged-eyed sunglasses, I sighed because a voice in my mind said, “Are you giving up?”
Giving up? No. She’s a mile ahead of me. I rolled my eyes. And I’m stuck behind the beat up Camry with a “Sarah!” sticker on it. Figures.
“You shouldn’t give up.”
This is an actual mental conversation with myself. How ridiculous is that?
But then I started to think about what other things I actually get competitive about that I just don’t realize? Job promotions? Faith? iPhones vs LG Vu? Church coolness?
(I actually started a competiton on this site to see if I could drive more people to the PI website than someone else… WHY?)
And why get competitive about that stuff? What’s the point? Is it an acute form of jealousy maybe? I’m not quite sure.
Do you have any random competitiveness in your system for stuff that just doesn’t make much sense? What do you Secret Race about?
If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. Sigh. Okay…here goes. My secret race to is take the high road with some church friends who are mad at me right now. We left our church. They don’t see why. They’re mad. So I “take the high road” which in reality is “self-righteousness” that I won’t argue back with them. When I don’t stoop to their level, I feel all smugly superior and far more holy than they are. I wake up each day ready to see how much holier I can be than them. I believe the Bible calls that pride. I believe that means I’m sinning.
Ah…confession is good for the soul.
It’s really funny you should write this post. I have a similar one coming up in a few days about just this very thing! But, after my first speeding ticket ever and a subsequent defensive driving course, I’m cured. So far, anyway – it’s been a week!
My wife tells me “Sometimes, you’re such a guy”.
This statement invariably comes when we are sitting at a light and there is a car in the lane next to me inching forward. In that moment I just cannot help but say “Don’t even THINK you’re going to get away faster than me.” If I do manage to restrain myself from saying it, then you can be sure the next thing I say is “Why did you ever think you’d be able to beat me?”
Sure, I’m a guy… these days though I only go up to the speed limit and then let them charge away as fast as they want to go, hopefully getting caught for speeding in the process.
I’m not competitive. . . at all. . . openly or secretly. . . :looks away nervously: