The King James Version Sucks
“Thou didst divide the sea by thy strength: thou brakest the heads of the dragons in the waters.”
Dragons are one of many interesting little tidbits that you can pull from the King James Version of the Bible. I actually have a book on the “creatures” located in the Bible. There’s a flying four-headed leopard, a dragon, fire-breathing horses…
The best part about the book I have is that every chapter is about a different creature in the Bible and at the end of each chapter, they basically wrap it up by saying, “But this is from the King James version of the Bible, so, it’s not real.”
Now, I’m going to surprise you here, because I know I’m upsetting some people with this, but you need to hear it, I did a bit of research for this post. I figured that I needed to do a bit of it just to prove my point for those people that are die-hard KJV. But, knowing the people that I know that are KJV fanatics, they’re not going to listen to reason anyway. So, here it goes!
1.) First off, all the information that I found about King James (James VI at first) was that he was very smart, published this version of the Bible, and, oh wait, he was most likely a bisexual. No need to cite a specific website because you can find that out anywhere. Interestingly enough, most priests that have issues of this nature pretty much lose their credibility… but not King James! Nope, why wouldn’t you believe what he has to say about divinity and such? Now, I realize that homosexuality is becoming trendy so most churches are all “open doors” and stuff, but, uh… really? The translation might get a little skewed… don’t you think?
2.) Secondly, it’s the most inaccurate translation. It might be second only to The Message, but that’s a paraphrasing of the scripture… so I don’t think it counts. The translation is apparently based on bad Greek texts too! So, it’s inaccurate from the outset!
3.) Thirdly, it’s hard for the rest of your Bible study group to follow along with your reading. Your Bible doesn’t make any sense anymore. Maybe long ago, when it was the only translation into English, but now, we have more accurate and easier to read too!
4.) Fourthly, we have a ton of other translations, why this one? Why is Olde English the right way? Since when? Is this that sign about England owning a portion of our country in the near future? Who knows? The Bible wasn’t written in Olde English to start with anyway! It was written in Hebrew and Greek. And, there’s different dialects of both of those languages, so, why is this one ye olde standby and thine foundation?
5.) Fifthly, seriously, it’s hard for your Bible study partners to follow along with your Bible. They’re not strong enough to tell you, but I am. Your version of the Bible is awful and there should be a government rebate check to upgrade everyone to a newer version of the Bible just like the cable situation. NIV’s nice.
So, to recap: I’m not even joking around. KJV is so hard to follow. I don’t know what verse you’re on when it comes to my turn… Thee? Thine? Doeth? What?!
I’m going to end this with a pretty awesome KJV verse.
“I said of laughter, It is mad: and of mirth, What doeth it?”
Hahaha, “Let them cometh.”
Nice.
I’ve never done any research on the subject, so I can’t tell you anything other than mine own opinion.
I, personally, don’t like KJV. Hard to understand, hard to read, and it’s not in my language. I like looking scripture up online. With Bible Gateway you can look up different translations of a text at the same time. Pretty nifty.
King James was a bad dude, and the only reason he sanctioned the King James Version was to ensure it strictly conformed and adhered to the Church of England’s ecclesiology and thus keep the church off his back. He couldn’t have cared less about the theology it unfolded.
Here’s something else you will never hear from KJV only subscribers- The Church of England tagged the translation ‘Authorized Version’ under the reign of ole Henry #8, and we all know his glorious history.
Also, the 47 translators were all members of the Church of England which considers itself both Reformed and Catholic. You will be hard pressed to get a Protestant, KJV only reader to admit any influence of the Catholic Church on the KJV, but history records that fact as indisputable.
Personally, I have a very large reference Bible that contains the KJV, NIV, New American Standard, and NKJV side by side. I carry a KJV given to me by my mother and also carry a NIV Study Bible. The ‘keep it old timey’ mentality is paradoxical unless you go all the way back to the time of Jesus. While the 1600′s when the KJV was translated is truly old timey, it’s an era much closer to our own than the time of Jesus…by over 1200 years.
Here’s a thought. Whatever version you read, open your heart and let the Holy Spirit guide your study…hey wait…that’s what John 14:25-27 tells us to do anyway…regardless of what version you read.
Great post.
BMAN, I have been wanting to do a post on how I don’t like the KJV for some time now. I’ve just never had the balls to do it. Seriously, I can’t stand the KJV simply because I can’t understand a thing it says. I set up a poll on my blog to see what translation most people read. I use NIV and so do most people I know. I like it the best. But really the KJV sucks.
thou hast spoken the truth in thy writ. verily i whilst now follow thy blog for thou hast crafted a title worthy of laude. mine admiration thou dost have.
Ha! These were all awesome comments. I appreciate that you guys agree. You know, when you craft such a hateful gem, you hope that someone will be like, “No it isn’t.”
That way, you can fight back like, “Yes huh!”
But, agreement is good, and it does suck, so, I guess there’s really no argument.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!! WE NEEEEEED KJV. Look up 1 Kings 21:21 . . . ONLY the KJV has the kind of phrasing you will find there. . . without the KJV, what will we laugh at? Without the KJV, no one will pisseth against the wall, and there will be no coveting of thy neighbor’s ass. . . how sad would that be??